Here’s to the bee – the busy soul;
He has no time for birth control
That’s why it is in times like these,
We have so many sons of bees!

We know it is true that we’re wicked,
That our criminal laws are lax;
But here’s to punishment for the man
Who invented the income tax

On the chest of a barmaid in Sale
Were tattooed the prices of ale.
And on her behind,
For the sake of the blind,
Was the same information in Braille!

May you be in Heaven fifteen minutes
before the devil knows you are dead.

“Here’s to Hell! May my stay there be as much fun as my way there!”
I’ll drink to the Girls who do!
I’ll drink to the Girls who don’t!
But…I won’t drink to Girls
Who say they will and won’t!

“Here’s to ___, May he live respected and die regretted”

“Today we celebrate all the good things you have found in each other, a best friend, a lover, a teacher, a playmate and a true partner in life. Cheers!”

“Here’s to the ideal woman; Who could ask for more? She’s deaf ‘n dumb, oversexed, and owns a liquor store.”

“MEN, start your livers!”

“Of all my favorite things to do,
The utmost is to have a brew.
My love grows for my foamy friend,
With each thirst-quenching elbow bend.
Beer’s so frothy, smooth and cold–
It’s paradise–pure liquid gold.
Yes, beer means many things to me…
That’s all for now, I gotta pee!”