Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
—W. C. Fields

Alcohol is like love. The first kiss is magic, the second is intimate, the third is routine. After that you take the girl’s clothes off.
—Raymond Chandler

Drink because you are happy, but never because you are miserable.
—G. K. Chesterton, Heretics

I don’t have a drinking problem ‘cept when I can’t get a drink.
—Tom Waits

When a man who is drinking neat gin starts talking about his mother he is past all argument.
—C. S. Forester

That is the remarkable thing about drinking: it brings people together so quickly, but between night and morning it sets an interval again of years.
—Erich Maria Remarque

An American monkey, after getting drunk on brandy, would never touch it again, and thus is much wiser than most men.
—Charles Darwin

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they’ve always worked for me.
—Hunter S. Thompson

I always take Scotch whiskey at night as a preventive of toothache. I have never had the toothache; and what is more, I never intend to have it.
—Mark Twain

It’s like gambling somehow. You go out for a night of drinking and you don’t know where you’re going to end up the next day. It could work out good or it could be disastrous. It’s like the throw of the dice.
—Jim Morrison