“I saw a notice that said “Drink Canada Dry” and I’ve just started.” –Brendan Behan

“I only take a drink on two occasions – when I’m thirsty and when I’m not.” –Brendan Behan

“Any man who eats dessert is not drinking enough.” –Ernest Hemingway

“You can’t drink all day if you don’t start in the morning.” –Celia Rivenbark

“An alcoholic is someone you don’t like who drinks as much as you do.” –Dylan Thomas

“Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won’t cure a cold.” –Jerry Vale

“You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.” –Dean Martin

“I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.” –David Lee Roth

You’re pretty when I’m drunk

“Alright, remember, alcohol equals puke equals smelly mess equals nobody likes you.” –Adam Sandler in The Wedding Singer