“Intoxicated /adj./ When you feel sophisticated without being able to pronounce it.” — Anonymous

“I am as drunk as a lord, but then, I am one, so what does it matter?” — Bertrand Russell

“I stopped drinking, but only when I sleep.” — George Best

“If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don’t actually live longer; it just seems longer.” — Clement Freud

“This is an aggressive beer. You probably won’t like it. It is quite doubtful that you have the taste or sophistication to be able to appreciate an ale of this quality and depth. We would suggest that you stick to safer and more familiar territory — maybe something with a multimillion dollar ad campaign aimed at convincing you it’s made in a little brewery, or one that implies that their tasteless fizzy yellow beer will give you more sex appeal. Perhaps you think multimillion dollar ad campaigns make a beer taste better. Perhaps you are mouthing your words as you read this.” — Stone’s Arrogant Bastard

“See God? That is the easiest thing in the world. He always appears to me in the bottom of the tenth glass of beer… and sometimes as a beautiful, young, female nude.” — Theologian Franz Bibfeldt, on the reality of visions

“You have to be always drunk. That’s all there is to it—it’s the only way. So as not to feel the horrible burden of time that breaks your back and bends you to the earth, you have to be continually drunk.” — Charles Baudelaire

“The saxophone is the embodied spirit of beer.” — Arnold Bennett

“Why is beer better than wine? Human feet are conspicuously absent from beer making.” — Steve Mirsky, Scientific American; May 2007

“Of doctors and medicines we have in plenty more than enough… what you may, for the Love of God, send is some large quantity of beer.” — Dispatch from the Colony of New South Wales, 1854